Here and Not There

There is hardly a worse feeling than being unable to help. Not, "oh, I wish I could but I have an appointment," or "I don't know how to do that, I am sorry;" but, a literal inability to do. It is a frustrating paralyzation when one realizes that the situation requires more and is indefinitely out of reach. When a simple hug, a strong embrace, would alleviate much of the tension, the inter-turmoil, surrounding, engulfing, a precious one, but you just can't get your hands untied. What to do?

If I let this stew long enough, it leads to disgusting characteristics - a pity for myself, and because I pity myself, a slight contempt for others. Why go there?

I must interject that it is in this time that I am eternally grateful that my counseling program is hip to boundaries. We are taught to maintain boundaries, to not weave in and out of the client's experience, not to counsel from our own experience, but from objectivity. To throw someone a rope, down a hole, amongst the mud, and not climb down in the hole with them and sit. To be empathic and not sympathetic.

Heather is a long way away tonight. Days upon days are starting to way intolerably. I sit here and not there, painfully aware of my inability, wanting to trust the Lord with this situation. Isn't that where help truly begins?

~Sarah