From Time to Time I Recall...

"Whoever restrains his words has knowledge,and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding." Proverbs 17:27

Papaw did not like to venture outside of Sabine County and found particular favor for his small cedar-sided house. But there exists a hope that can make a homebody want to travel. He was tired. He was ready. And, some Septembers ago, four to be exact, Papaw went home.

Vivid memories of those few hours, before Papaw died, still float around. Dear friends stayed up late with me, drove me to the airport, gave me comfort. I flew, on Continental, from Nashville, to Houston. My cousin Anthony took me from the airport to the hospital. I was wearing a pink, long sleeve oxford, khaki shorts and slouchy, brown leather flip flops. His chest heaving sharply for breath. His swollen, taut skin. Tired family napping in the chapel, sitting in the hospital room. The few moments we shared, just he and I. And thirty minutes later, a room full of family watching, as the nurse checked his vitals, and then told us she was sorry. The sigh of emotion, relief, grief....peace.

A man, I had never laid eyes on, who's twig is somehow affix to our family tree, preached the funeral. He was long winded. But, he illuminated a bit of Papaw's character that is often the encouragement to conviction. As he labored behind the pulpit, trying to do his best, he recalled Papaw's manner of reflection, his slowness to speak, his caution in answering. He noted, "there were times when you thought he wasn't going to answer..." He went on to explain that Papaw said little that was not weighed. And, because of this, what he said carried weight.

He listened. This is probably why he was, and still is, the only one who could tell me and my mother apart on the phone. Phone rang, I answered, with my East Texas hello, and he would kindly respond, "Is this Miss Sarah?" He knew my voice because he had listened to it time and time again. Listening has a chance when you are not quick to speak. Words, that do not flood the atmosphere, are valuable.

There many days this memory creeps up on me and I long to be a woman who never rushes to speak, who weighs her words - consistently, by default. To not speculate out loud, to choose no answer over whatever half answer systematic logic can conjure. And, as I wrestle with how to be better, my heart is thankful that in dying Papaw was able to point his family in a direction called out and honored in Scripture.

"Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak..." James 1:19a

~ Sarah