Have you grieved your sins?

I have heard it said that until one grives their sin, in light of the Cross, salvation is never really understood. Have your sins grieved you?

I used to take offense to this idea. Do you?

Recently, while running errands, waiting at a stop light, I was prompted to give a homeless man money. I do not normally do that. I am well aware of the likelihood that my money has gone to purchase the gamut of harmful substances or behaviors. However, that day, I felt the stern prompting of the Holy Spirit to give the few dollars I had in my wallet. His name was Joe. And, as Joe turned away, after thanking me, he looked back, made steady, clear eye contact and said, "My name is Joe, would you pray for me please." Probably just a good homeless person tactic, right?

As I drove away, I began to ponder the concept of prejudice. I thought a lot about how it is used as explanation. I wondered how prejudice is conceived in the heart. I thought about the different angles of prejudice - the scoffing at the poor, the contempt for the rich. The black man who cannot find a job because he is "probably lazy or sells drugs." The white girl who does not need help or does not deserve to be sacrificed for because "Daddy will probably take care of it." Why do we insist on trading tit for tat?

I continued to ponder about prejudice and pray for Joe. Then came the young man on McCart. Disbelief met aggravation as I and other cars had to stop as someone began to cross the road at a less than safe time. Aggravation was met with conviction when this young man came clear into view. His gait, mannerisms, and draw hands and arms revealed that he was not only struggling with a physical handicap, but a mental one as well. I watched as he crossed in front of me, saddened that he could not make such a basic decision as when to cross the road safely. What would prejudice decide about this young man?

My mind settled on the accusation some would make, of the possibility that this boy's wrongdoing has led to his physical and mental state. Judging by his garb and skin tone, maybe drugs had rendered him handicap. After all, sagging jeans and a dark skin tone most often mean drug use, right? Its likely that this young man could have snorted enough crack or drank enough alcohol to induce mental damage, or cause a physical accident, resulting in handicap, right? Joe is probably homeless because all his money goes to buy booze, don't you think? Maybe Joe is so irresponsible that his choices put him in his homeless situation, right?

And there it was, clear and convicting, "But for the grace of God am I." But for the grace of God have my sins not rendered me paralyzed, handicapped, homeless, outcast, poor, societies burden, less than desirable! Then, I began to grieve. How could I qualify my sins as not that bad? How can I take the grace that God has shown me and use it as a crutch to not realize the offense I hurl at a perfect, loving, Holy God? How could I stand, covered in Christ righteousness, given to me, not earned by me, through His horrific death by crucifixion, and be so proud as to think that my sins would not bereave God because they are not classified as socially unacceptable?

I was broken. Broken of a proud heart. Broken of an assuming arrogance. I have begun to grieve my sins. I have begun to love my Savior all the more. Please, please won't you join me?

"For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death." - 2 Corinthians 7:10

~Sarah