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Saturday, January 31, 2009

And the adventures begin, or rather, continue...

Thoughts are many. Feelings are immeasurable. I am utterly exhausted.

The final move, this side of the ocean, took place earlier this week. It was the move to Virginia, for an 8 week time of training and orientation. It is of unexplainable value to spend 8 weeks with others who are experiencing many of the same thoughts and feelings right at the same time.

This move makes saying "yes" to the Lord so real. Sometimes I think, "Who did I fool? Do they really think the Lord has called me to this?" Well, I know with all my heart that the Lord has called me to what lies ahead, but that doesn't seem to make it any easier, today.

Today, it feels big. It feels hard. It feels scary. Yesterday, as I spent time with the Lord, He brought sweet comfort in the midst of such inner turmoil. You see, even though this area will be somewhat like my past experiences, my mind has been dwelling on all of the drastic differences.

I am incredibly resistant to change. I have always thought of myself as someone who was willing to embrace each new adventure with eloquence and grace. However, the Lord has shown me differently. Sticking with what we know is safe. It isn't too scary. It's predictable, well, usually. This is what I like. I am finding my current situation to be far from predictable, same-old, same-old. Even still, our Father is an ever-constant God, in an ever-changing world!

He is molding and making. Thank goodness He doesn't give up and leave us the way we are, but He just keeps right on working. He is at work. He is sharpening and refining. It hurts.

However, I know He has amazing, unimaginable things ahead. There will be more hard days ahead. There will be more hurt. But, I know that He is going to allow me to see and experience His work in ways beyond my biggest dreams. He doesn't plan for me to embark on this adventure alone. He will always be right here. He is faithful.

So, onward I march. Forward is where His plans reside. His plan is where I want to be, always, no matter where it takes me.

~Heather

Needing knee-time:
*Ask that the Father would use me to encourage others who have not yet walked down this path.
* Ask the Father to draw me even closer to Himself, that it would be closer and sweeter than ever before.
* Ask that He would give me the strength and courage to let go of what is behind, and embrace what lies ahead.
* Praise the Father for all that He is doing. There is an amazing journey ahead!

Monday, January 26, 2009

The Responsibility of Something Great

I dislocated my knee cap. This is an action that is not recommend. One's knee cap is intended to stay remotely stationary. How, you may ask? Well, it was a combination of killer moves on a trampoline and tennis shoes. My landing was a tad off and, as my body fell right, my knee cap took a sharp left.

At 25, I lay on the trampoline screaming for who else but-- MOMMA! My brave cousin, Kaleb, ran into the house and reported, "Your daughter is hurt BAD." My other cousin, Andrew, continued to jump. I worried at the time if these too little boys were okay. I mean, I, Sarah Jacks, cool, calm and collected, was rolling from side to side screaming for her mother. The last thing I needed was to scar a 5 and 3 year old for life. I got my answer as I saw them on their four-wheeler, riding around the trampoline as if they were circling the wagons. They were fine. It turns out I was more unnerved than they were.

Heather was home. Thank the Lord, Heather was home. She glided on the trampoline - I, of course, was in the middle. And she said those words I was dreading, "Do you want me to put it back in?" Ahhhh...no. Actually, Heather says it was "Pleeaaase, DON'T touch it!" But with little effort is slipped back to its natural residence.

After much rolling and moaning, crying and general freaked-out-ness, I got off the trampoline and into a car to head to the ER. To make a long story short, if it gets better its a sprain, if not, it is torn.

I had planned to do a number of things while Heather was home. Our list included things like reupholstering furniture, organizing my new apartment and getting into whatever we could get our hands on. But plans changed. Instead I found myself in the middle of seeing thankfulness from a much fuller perspective. When you can't get yourself dressed, you learn a thing or two about the one who offers to help you. Heather spent the whole week getting me things, fixing my meals, driving me around, organizing my apartment. She made sure I got done the things I needed to accomplish and made sure to sit with me when exhaustion got the best of me.

I don't deserve to be treated this way. I don't deserve a friendship like the one God has blessed me with. As I watched Heather do for me, I thought "I forgot to send her a birthday card." Something so small, like a birthday card, can help the Holy Spirit drive home His lesson of the week. This precious friend of mine, whom I forgot to send a card, keeps no record of what I deserve. What a blessing to find yourself befriended by one who strives to be like the Father.

Furthermore, I do not deserve the abundant blessings God continues to pour into my life. I have been given so many things. From dislocated knee to humble acceptance of care, thankfulness has revealed the greatness in my life. Being thankful for something includes accepting the responsibility of the blessing. I think we far to often treat our God like Santa Clause. We want presents. We do not understand blessing. I have been given grace, grace that extends forgiveness. Forgiveness by a God, whom I personally offend daily with my sinful nature. I now enjoy the blessing of relationship with Him. I have the opportunity to further my education. I come from a wonderful family. I find myself continually provide for. I live in a great country. I have been called to speak truth into lives when they are hurting. I have things like a great MacBook. I want for nothing and am able to work for the things I have. I enjoy a friendship few find, most seek and some never know exist. I have been blessed, what I do with it is largely up to me....

~Sarah